7 Recognize ... The Power Of Behavior

More words hit our eardrums today than ever before. We are bombarded with words from every side. Silence seems to have become an enemy. A high proportion of our society is uncomfortable without auditory stimulation most of the time. If the radio or television isn’t on in the background there is probably music playing on the iPod or computer. Even when walking down the street people have to be talking to someone on their cell phone. Where has all the silence gone?
Where I live, words have become fascinating. When walking through the grocery store I seldom hear English words. Families shop together and use the language of their homeland. And for about half of the population in my city that language is not English. This fact has made me acutely aware of words. I guess I used to inadvertently eavesdrop on people discussing which product they need to purchase. I never did so consciously. But now that discussion is masked to me because of the language barrier. The words graphically represented on all the products are all in English and French — the two official languages of Canada. But there are now hundreds of other unofficial languages Canadians speak at home which go disregarded on the labels. When these newer Canadians converge on the checkout desk English words are the only ones that count and both the checkout person and the customer use them, unless they both happen to speak Hindi or Swahili. It takes a tuned ear and some hard work to achieve meaning exchange through the various accents. Most everyone works in English but many prefer the language that is more natural to them because they learned it first.
While your context may not include the linguistic diversity mine does, I expect that you too live in less silence. And as often as not the sounds that break the silence contain words. Communication is a critical foundation to all of human existence. But if all we have are words we will never get anything done.
This heightened attention to linguistic capacities could be drawing attention away from more important things. The more time we invest in talking the less time we have to invest in doing.
There is definitely power in words. But when words do not turn to action we are in trouble. In church life we use more words than ever before. More words have been written about how to do church. And I presume more words are being read about how to do church. But is the church actually improving? In many cases, I think not. The problem is not necessarily in the ideas expressed by the words; the difficulty is that too many ideas never get put into action.
Cumulative Action
The life of the church is best defined in its cumulative actions. Those actions are often mixed with words. For example, a get well card contains kind words. But it is the action of actually sending the card that counts most. A series of phone calls to absentees to express concern is full of words, but the phone calls themselves are actions. A concerned Christian initiating a conversation to explain the heart of faith through a gospel presentation is full of powerful words but it is the action of starting the conversation that brings it all together.
Yesterday in a Christian bookstore I noticed a book in the bargain bin. It caught my attention because of the word “power” on the front cover. It seemed like a practical book on Christian living. However, sadly, it was written by a man who has been publicly disgraced because of his sinful behavior. It may be that he wrote this book at the same time as he was living a very double life. The words may be good; but his underlying actions weren’t. That book is still in the bargain bin. As others before me had done, I left it there. His words were not backed by complete and moral action.
It is quite possible for people to perform correct behavior in one part of their life and not back it up with consistent behavior in another part of their life. Such hypocrisy is never desired nor commended. But it is more safe to assume someone who acts properly in one part of their life also acts properly in all parts — or at least attempts to do so. While there will always be hypocrisy, good behavior even in one part of life is a positive sign of the rest of the life. On the other hand, someone who talks a good life without any apparent behavior to back it up always leaves a big question mark. They might not be actively immoral behind the scene but they are definitely not acting out true morality.
I Can’t Hear
Here is the power principle that has been often expressed. “What you do speaks so loud I can’t hear a word you say.” The principle is usually only brought to bear upon someone with obvious hypocrisy. I believe we need to work more carefully to value behavior over words in the broad context of all of life. What I truly value shows up in my behavior as it does with you. Talk without action has no power.
The best time to evaluate behavior is when no one is looking. One study — who does fund all these studies anyway — counted the number of people who washed their hands compared to those who didn’t when leaving a public washroom. The people who thought they could not be observed were far less likely to wash their hands than those who knew others were also in there with them. People are always on their best behavior when others might see. But we all know that who we really are is who we are when no one is looking. What is going on inside the heart will show up in the behavior over time. And what is going on when nobody is looking could explode into the public’s awareness. There might be a big difference in what people say they do and what they actually do. Don’t be surprised if you find that out. And if you can find ways to get people to do the right things together they are more likely to actually do the right things. For example, if you can arrange for people to pray with each other in very small groups of two or three , much more prayer is likely to happen than if you ask people to pray solo.
If the private actions are good news, making them public is a positive experience to be celebrated. We need more good news stories to cover the jarring bad news all around. On the other hand, you can be sure that at least some of the time when people are supposed to get things done by themselves they will report having accomplished what was expected when they didn’t do it at all.
The over proliferation of words can provide a smoke screen that masks inappropriate or insufficient action. Therefore, we generate power to evaluate the progress of people by watching what they do in addition to listening to what they say. And if we can be careful to watch their behavior out of the corner of our eye we learn much more. This helps us identify the people to encourage to the front of the pack as positive examples.
Action Not Just Talk
As you work with people always encourage them in the direction of acting on their words. For example, if someone says, “How is So-And-So doing these days?” In the ensuing conversation suggest they give that person a call and report back to you. Notice how they respond. If that person recoils from the suggestion, chances are their ability to act overall is weak. Make a mental note of it. That person is probably not ready for prime time. When someone says, “Why don’t we do such and such?” respond by saying, “Would you be willing to help organize that?” When someone says, “Ain’t it awful that such-and-such is taking over” agree and ask what part they have to play in stemming the tide.
As you seek to lead in the church context always think in terms of turning words into behavior. It is a sad fact that the majority of people are not going to behave very well most of the time. Most people in a church are going to be lethargic. Of course, no one will ever say to you, “I’m too lethargic.” They will say, “ I’m too busy.” Don’t believe it. They are not too busy to do the right things. Nobody is too busy. The reality is they are choosing other behaviors to occupy their time. They are not too busy; they have other priorities. As a leader your responsibility is to get people to choose better behavior and set loftier priorities. So don’t be shy. Ask for their time and the change in their behavior.
A healthy church is an active church. The church becomes active when more individuals within the church take action. The more times you as a leader put an appeal directly to an individual to take action the more they will get the picture. They will either take action or avoid making suggestions that are likely to get you coming back at them with an appeal for action. In a healthy church the spotlight is not on what people say they would do in a given circumstance; it is what they actually do when that circumstance arises.
There is a time for talk as long as it is followed by action. Hours are wasted in churches talking about how to love the community that could be used in actually loving a community. Never allow anyone to go into a community action committee meeting without expecting to come out in a pair of work gloves. I have watched churches achieve considerable transformation by getting involved in practical action.
The church is unhealthy when the leaders of the church have less personal Christian action in their life than the people they are seeking to lead. This possibility can be monitored with the survey and report in the Church Health edition of The Ministry ToolBox. The leaders of the church never get to coach from the sidelines; they must also take their turn getting into the game. If you are the prime leader in a church where the secondary leaders refuse to get involved collectively then you will simply have to take the most responsive leaders and get them involved individually. Ask an individual to come along with you as you take action. Do this with each of those secondary leaders in one way or another and over time they will move forward.
Personal
Positive behavior is essential at several levels. In a healthy church more people place tighter restrictions and higher expectations on their personal behavior. Correct personal behavior grows out of a personal devotional life. People must be encouraged to examine themselves regularly and candidly. That examination is best conducted in the context of Bible reading and prayer. Then the power of the Holy Spirit is brought to bear on the many incremental changes in thoughts, attitudes, words and actions. Personal behavior is always foundational. Always expect the same level of behavior on the street as one might exhibit when on their best behavior in church.
Relational
Relational behavior needs to be carefully examined. A healthy church develops a self-monitoring system where people notice and comment on inappropriate relational behavior. When a group of people starts down a line of negative conversation someone who notices should say, “I don’t think we should be talking this way.” When someone notices a parent speaking inappropriately to a child they should make a mental note of it and at another time lovingly speak to the parent about it. A healthy church is a church family. This level of relational correction of behavior is to be encouraged and expected.
Communal
The things a church does as a community should be thought of as a metaphor for the actions the individuals within the church demonstrate in their personal lives and relationships. An unhealthy church might develop vocabulary that would never be used in the marketplace. The unhealthy church might develop an insincere or affected tone of speech. It could adopt a distinct type of dress or personal grooming style. An unhealthy church will develop its own little subculture and take it for granted. When outsiders observe this little club atmosphere they find it very objectionable.
The individuals who make up the healthy church behave Christianly in every context of their lives. The church teenager won’t be embarrassed to meet the church youth worker in the hall of the school. The plant manager won’t feel awkward if the pastor observes the team meeting. The athlete from the church won’t feel the need to clean up his language in the locker room if someone is listening. The stay-at-home mom wouldn’t change her conversation across the back fence if Jesus himself were standing there.
Since the behavior of the individuals who make up the church is so critical, it makes sense for the prime church leaders to observe the behavior of church people in as many contexts of life as possible. This takes some deliberate and intentional action on the part of the leaders. It means you have to drop in on people. Find a way to intersect as many people as possible in their lives on the job, in the streets, at the sports venues and in the homes.
Notice and celebrate the behaviors you want more people to replicate. Do this publicly, in formal and informal small groups and in individual conversations. Explain to people who aspire to leadership that you expect them to do certain things. It doesn’t have to be complicated. You expect all of your leaders to take notes in the church meeting and to sing with passion. You clearly state that you respect the people most who put the most in. You ask people to do simple things like sitting beside someone who was alone in a church meeting. And when it happens you make a note of it and in a private conversation explain how encouraging their behavior was to you.
One simple but significant concept is that you expect people to behave in a courteous and friendly manner with all people. Encourage people to talk to strangers. Notice when an adult initiates a positive conversation with a child. Ask people to develop the habit of looking to the needs of others. Make sure that all who are involved in any kind of leadership in your church understand that they are expected to encourage others. Leaders are supposed to be well prepped and enthusiastic about the vision and upcoming events in the church life. Much more can be accomplished in informal conversations than anyone could imagine. Make those conversations count.
More action; less talk. The noise of the words can be overwhelming at times. And definitely we need to learn to rediscover silence. It is far too easy to let the church’s life become defined by the words. People can talk as if they can play it out well. Be sure that others understand you are far more interested in how they actually behave than in what they say. Resolve to become the person of action because others are following you.